1 Soul Matters Podcast
Where Faith, Community, and Transformation Meet
Fostering spiritual growth, emotional well-being, and authentic connection through candid conversations rooted in faith and mental health.
1 Soul Matters Podcast
Hope and Healing for the Holidays
The season promises joy, but for many of us the holidays arrive with a quiet ache. We sit with that truth and offer a kinder way through, exploring how grief and hope can share the same space without asking you to fake cheer or “get over” what still matters. With Rev. Dr. Tamara Brown and guest Rev. Dr. Sharon L. Larkin, we name the many faces of loss—death, job changes, benefit cuts, deployment, illness, distance, and fractured relationships—and show how acknowledging them opens the door to real healing.
We unpack the myths that silence people during a season that celebrates noise and light. There is no timetable for mourning, and anniversaries often live in the body before they reach the mind. You’ll hear how traditions can evolve from sharp pain into meaningful remembrance, and why connection is the lifeline: churches hosting grief recovery gatherings, sharing counseling resources, and creating mental health touchpoints; families asking honest questions about what helps and what harms. Together, we sketch a “new normal” for the holidays that honors limits, protects peace, and restores dignity.
Expect practical tools you can use the moment a trigger hits: name the feeling, breathe slowly, step outside, take a brief walk, hydrate, and lean into short prayers or a Psalm that gives language to lament. We also talk about when to reach for clinical support if the weight becomes too much. This conversation blends pastoral care with grounded mental health wisdom, offering compassionate steps for anyone navigating December with a tender heart.
If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a quick review so others can find hope and help this season. Your story may be the invitation someone else is waiting for.
Welcome to the Soul Matters Podcast. I am Reverend Dr. Tamara Brown. And this is part one of a two-part podcast where we're stepping into a conversation that many long for, but few anticipate. And that's hope and healing for the holidays. As a faith community, we know the holidays are meant to be a time of joy and togetherness. But in the church and in our circles of faith, grief often shows up in unexpected forms. It's the empty chair at the dinner table, the silence where there once was laughter, the tradition that now feels heavy instead of joyful. Today, in part one of our series, we will explore how grief and hope can coexist and how our faith and our communities can hold space for both. Next time in part two, we will discuss what practical steps we can take toward healing this season. Whether you're navigating personal loss, supporting someone who is, or simply looking to understand more deeply, thank you for being here. My guest for this two-part series is Reverend Dr. Sharon L. Larkin, executive pastor at St. Luke Community United Methodist Church. Thank you for joining us for this impactful conversation. You know, let's start with just talking about what we're talking about. Why is it so important that we talk openly about grief and loss during what's supposed to be a happy season?
SPEAKER_01:It is important to talk about grief and loss because for so many people, it is not a happy season. During the holiday season, we know that grief intensifies. So it's important to educate people and to give them some techniques so that they will be able to survive the holidays.
SPEAKER_00:I couldn't agree more with so many people focused on the happy aspect. I imagine that it can it can feel for those who are grieving like there really isn't space for them or like they're ruining it for others who are happy and they may feel reticent to speak out. Has that been your observation as well?
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. You know, I often think of one of my favorite songs during Christmas is one that's sung by Elvis Presley that says, it's gonna be a blue Christmas without you. And that is the story that a lot of people have. It's gonna be a blue Christmas because of someone or something that they are actually uh grieving.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, I remember that song as well. And it's such a sad rhythm that, and it captures the experience of so many in this holiday. But you know, I mean, we're talking about grief, and when people think about grief, I think they often associate it with death. And that's really the only thing that that comes to mind. But we know that there are other forms of grieving as well. Could you share with us what what some of those other forms of grief are that people might be experiencing right now?
SPEAKER_01:Yes. You know, grief is defined as the stages of emotions that we are experiencing due to a loss of something or someone of value. And so when we think about this holiday season in particular, many will be grieving the loss of their jobs. 275,000 federal employees have been laid off or targeted for layoff, not only to mention the thousands that have lost their jobs due to policy changes around and or those who have lost their jobs because of businesses are failing due to tariffs and other reasons. So that's one form of grief that we're going to particularly be dealing with on this particular holiday. Also, another form of grief is the loss of benefits. 42 million people rely on SNAP, which provides food for them and their families. So, due to the government shutdown, which does not seem to appear, there's no sign of it actually opening back up in the near future. There may not be food on many tables. And then another form of grief is during the holidays in particular, is being away from family and friends. And you typically see this as you deal with military families or millet or soldiers. Uh they are they have been deployed in another state or they may be deployed in another country. And so that's why you have radio stations that there's one particular radio station that actually do cards for soldiers, because again, that is a form of grief, is being away from their families. So grief can occur for many other different reasons rather than death.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, that that's that's powerful. And and I think it's a lot for us to think about as we imagine the people who might be grieving during the holiday seasons just because they haven't had a death doesn't mean that everything is well and they're not grieving in in other ways. You know, as you were sharing that, I thought as well about relationships that you know have have been lost or or severed, might be another thing that people are grieving or or other uh sickness that prevents them, as you said, from being able to connect with people, isolation, so many different forms of grief. And I'm it just makes me wonder how faith communities or or families even can, I mean, what can they do to kind of create space that accommodates the different kinds of of grief? Those that you've mentioned or others that that people may experience that sort of is has changed normal and what's normal for them?
SPEAKER_01:You know, I think that when we look at our community and our communities and we look at our families or we look at even the church, I think we have to be aware of the type of grief that we're dealing with. And as we are aware of the type of grief that we're dealing with, then we need to build a form based on that. I think it's important the things that we're doing at St. Luke. We have a holiday high-fi, which is a grief recovery that we're doing on the 14th and the 4th. We have this podcast that's coming out to address the grief. We also have, we talk about counseling. We have a whole resource list that people can use in order to get counseling that even before the holiday starts, you can start to get counseling from different areas. And we also have our mental health monthly meeting that is focused on grief. So all of these things are forms that we can use to address the grief that we see within our churches, our communities, and even our families.
SPEAKER_00:So it sounds like what you're saying is that faith communities and and families should focus on creating connection. I mean, I see that as a really a thread through through what you're saying. Is am I capturing it?
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. We are connected and we have to be can as we see that have that connection, we will be able to see the need and then act to the act based upon that need.
SPEAKER_00:Wow. So first it's it's even seeing it and and then reacting by connecting people with other people through. I mean, you mentioned support groups, you mentioned counseling and other meetings and the podcast, you know, just as a way of realizing you're not alone.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. What are, I mean, you mentioned, you know, being able to see that people are are grieving and may need some support. And I imagine a part of what makes it hard to see it is that we have some misconceptions about grief. And so what are what do you think are some misconceptions that we have about grief that we need to challenge, especially during the holidays?
SPEAKER_01:I think some of the misconceptions about grief is what grief really is. You know, we we don't we don't like to talk about grief because grief is a difficult topic. But when you really look at the definition of grief, it's the emotions that we're going through. And so a lot of people are not able to identify grief because they can't, they may not be aware of the emotions that are actually that you go through or the stages that you go through doing grief. Another misconception about grief is that you there's no timetable on grief. So just because you went through something 10 years ago, it does not mean that you're not going to feel that, especially during the holiday seasons.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So there are a lot of misconceptions about grief, and that's why it's important to have a forum that educates people and let people know that you there is hope and there is healing through through counseling and through the forums that we have and all of the things that we offer.
SPEAKER_00:You know, as you were sharing that piece about the timetable for grief, I I remembered something from my own experience. When I was growing up, my maternal grandmother always hosted Christmas and Christmas dinner, and all of the family would get together. It was a big thing for her to host. But later, I was an adult and she died right before Christmas, actually. You know, that Christmas was understandably different, but even though the years have passed, that's been more than 20 years ago, there are some traditions that come back to mind at Christmas. And I remember and miss her all over again. All over again, and the grief is not so sharp as it was those first few years that you know would lead to tears and you know, it's working through. But even today, again, it's been more than 20 years, there is there is still an acknowledgement of that absence and that missing. And now I think it has changed from grieving in the same sense to more opening space for, you know, if my grandmother was here, she would be doing this, or she, hey, she would have said this at that moment, and so it's more a way of creating space for her memory at some aspects of her to still be present with us in the holiday. And you think I'm the only one that kind of makes a shift like that?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, absolutely not. You know, one of the things that we we misconceptions you were talking about earlier, one of the things that we think is that we get over things, but we don't ever get over losing someone we love. We get through, we learn to get through it, and so you have to be mindful of that, and when you have those moments, go ahead and greet and know that it's okay. My grandfather died when I was 12 years old, and you know what? Even when I think that I I forgot about it, it gets to be in the month of November when he died. I start to feel a heaviness, and then I look on the calendar and I remember that that's around the time I lost my grandfather. And so again, we never get over it, but we can definitely get through it.
SPEAKER_00:I think one of the you just pointed out something else, I think that can be a misconception is I mean, what you describe is somehow your your body knows that the of the timing, even before mentally, oh yes, it is that date. And so I think sometimes maybe the a misconception is people are feeling things that are coming up around the anniversaries, and they are misunderstanding what that's coming from, right, right, or maybe feel that they shouldn't be feeling what they're feeling.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:That's a misconception, I think.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly, it is.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And I think too, sometimes it's difficult to for some people to acknowledge grief and talk about it. I mean, you were just saying how important it is to talk about it. I think some people sometimes people don't know what to say. They do not. Yeah, and that I think can make it hard to to bring up or topics of grief or the emotions of grief. But I but I think, and and this is a question I have for you. I think acknowledging the grief could actually open the door to healing, really. I mean, what are your thoughts on that?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yes, most definitely. It opens the door to healing, is to be able to say it, yeah, be able to express it. And that's why when we have grief recovery, it's not us just talking about what grief is, but it's also one of the first things I start out is asking people, why are you here? Because they get an opportunity to express what it is that they have actually come for, what it is that drove them there, and that is healing within itself, it's being able to talk about it. That's why we we advise that people go to counselors so that they can sit and have a conversation about what is going on, what they feel what they are actually feeling at the time.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think one of the things that we're we're talking about is sort of the anniversaries of grieving. And in the particular instances, we mentioned it was about death, but those anniversaries can be about any number of areas of loss, like you mentioned before. But the holidays in particular, I think, can stir up powerful memories for people. And I'm wondering what are some things that might precipitate the stress for people during during the holiday season?
SPEAKER_01:Well, one of the things that happens, particularly when the the the loss is fresh, is that they try because it's the holidays, they try to have the same holiday that they would have had if that loss had not occurred. And that can cause people to really feel exasperated because I'm trying to have a normal Christmas, what I think is normal, and it's not normal for that time. I they don't realize that they have gone into a new normal. And so one of the things that I learned with grief share, grief share talks about the fact that you really need to plan your holiday. You need to have a grief plan because you may not want to have do all the cooking and and all of that. You need to be in touch with your feelings. And so plan what you're gonna do during the holidays. You may want to, let's say you've gone through a divorce, you may want to not have maybe you want to doing the holidays, you may want to do something different, particularly if you've lost a spouse, you may want to help the children to be able to transition because they they grieve too. And so it's really sitting down with your family and deciding how are we going to what type of holiday are we going to have this year? Uh, what type of things do we feel like doing? What type of things that we may not feel like doing. And part of that also is just learning how to say no. Just because it's the holidays, you know, it doesn't mean you have to accept every invitation that you get. You may not feel like going to a party. And so, and it also talks in grief share about communicating to your loved ones and those around you what you feel like doing and what you do not feel like doing. And if you don't feel like having a big dinner, you don't feel like going to to the party, if you don't feel like going to all of the things that you would normally get invited to, then go with that. Do what you have to do to protect yourself.
SPEAKER_00:You know, it's almost like giving yourself permission.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:And you know, not beating up on yourself because your needs are different this year than maybe in prior years. And it almost sounds so you're giving yourself permission really to create a new normal, as you said. Yes, and I like the part that you said about planning because that suggests you start in early with some intentionality, and I think with the absence of a plan, the holidays can just catch us, they can just catch us, it catch us, and we haven't prepared ourselves, and and there we are, and and that can make it difficult. And the other part of what you said, you know, communicate because others are not going to be mind readers to know what a person needs. Those are really good points. So, how can a person recognize when a tradition, a song, maybe even a family gathering is precipitating painful emotions? I mean, you can plan, but it could still happen. And how could how could a person recognize that's what's going on?
SPEAKER_01:In grief recovery, we warn people about triggers. You're going to have some triggers, you're gonna smell that pound cake that might be a trigger. You're going to go through, you may be going to the mall and hear a certain song. My dad had a favorite song, Silent Night. And every time I hear that song, it's a trigger for me. So, what we do is we give people techniques on how to deal with triggers. Just because you go through or you hear, you you feel something, it doesn't mean that it has to totally destroy you. And part of being ready for triggers is to educate the people and let them know you're going to have some triggers. So be ready for those. And then giving people some things that they can do. If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry.
SPEAKER_00:What's interesting is the way to help people is really helping them anticipate, hey, this will happen. And so I would imagine that helps when it does happen for a person not to be overwhelmed, freaked out, like, oh my goodness, they can say, Hey, I knew this would happen. This is what it is, and that can help with coping. But when it happens, yeah, and and but when it does happen, and they have been prepared, they've been told, hey, there may be things that trigger, and then the triggering does happen. Yes, it helps to have anticipated, but what are some practical or or spiritual ways that are uh things that people can actually do in those in those moments? You mentioned that you give out practical skills that people can use when they are triggered. Can you give some examples?
SPEAKER_01:First of all, we tell people that they need to acknowledge the emotion. You know, I I'll never forget that I went to a best friend's funeral, and when I got there, I didn't want to cry. And so I didn't, I wanted to get there and I wanted to be brave and strong, and I didn't want to see people to really see me break down. And I got there and I was so sick after that funeral, and I realized it was because I didn't acknowledge the fact that I wanted to just break down and cry. It would have been fine if I had done that because my body, that is the way my body wanted to release that particular emotion. So we always have people to make sure you embrace that emotion, know that it's okay to show that emotion and then be able to go on from there. We also talk to people about things that they can do. Again, we talk to people about let's say that you're having a bad day. Here's some things that you can do through that day. We talk about breathing uh techniques. You would be, I mean, just being able to take in a deep breath and breathe helps your body to be able to relax. We talk about taking walks, we talk about making sure that I uh that we that even we that we're eating correctly and drinking water and doing the things that make us healthy. Because if we if we're having moments of grief, it can affect, we know that it affects us mentally, it affects us physically, and it can affect us spiritually. And so when you knowing that, you have to have a technique that helps you in all three of those areas. And spiritually, as Christians, we talk about prayer, we talk about crying out to the Lord. I also suggest we go to the book of Psalms and we read the book of Psalms, Psalms in particular, because the people who wrote Psalms were grieving. And so it can be a strength and a help to you. And then I also talk about the fact that if you are, if if your grief has become overwhelming and you're starting to have negative thoughts, or you're starting to not be able to get up in the morning, then you know you need that extra help. And that's when you know that you need to go and get your doctor involved, go and get some counseling. So we also talk about that as well.
SPEAKER_00:Those are some really good tips. I really appreciate you sharing those. So knowing that the triggering will happen, and then when it does, these are really excellent things. And and there, what strikes me too is that they are really simple things. That as things are overwhelming, something small, something simple that calms, that refocuses, and that you can do in that moment. You don't have to go to another place to just as you say, breathe, ignite emotion to pray, or so forth. And so then these are just really great ideas for in the moment. As we draw part one of this conversation to a close, I want to leave you with this thought. In the community of faith, we believe in resurrection, renewal, and restoration. But today we've also affirmed that grief is real, that loss takes many shapes, and that healing isn't about getting over the pain, it's about moving through it together in love and in faith. Remember, you are not alone. Your church, your small group, your faith siblings, they can become a sanctuary where your grief is acknowledged and your hope revived. Join us for part two of this series on hope and healing for the holidays. Today, we explored how grief and hope can coexist, how our faith communities can hold space for both. In part two, we will discuss some practical steps that we can take toward healing this disease. I'll look forward to you in part two.